Can’t stop it

It’s happening again and I just can’t stop it. I’m going to go nuts. I want to run again. Just go. Idk where but it’s racing through me and I just need to go. I don’t know where to go or what I’d do.

It’s taking all I have to contain it. I’m trying to sleep it away but it’s just boiling inside me and screaming at me. People say to just tell it to shut up but I can’t. I tried but it’s right. Or maybe it is and what if it is. And then I don’t listen to it. 

It’s so powerful. I’m tired. I give up.

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2 thoughts on “Can’t stop it

  1. Hello Mandi
    I’m sorry this is overtaking you again. From what you have written before I think you are saying that you have an overpowering fear that people are out to get you and cannot be trusted but also that you are not certain your fears are founded. In a way it seems it would be easier to know your fears were true rather than this terrible uncertainty over something that makes you feel profoundly unsafe.

    From what you have said about your boyfriend and your sister they seem like good people who want to help. My loved one accuses me of manipulative, deceitful, self-serving behaviour 😦 I know that isn’t how I am but it is what he sees sometimes. It does seem thay you have people who love you in your life but I can understand how hard/impossible it can be to trust in that and how much of an ongoing battle.

    M
    x

  2. Everything has been a bit all over the place here recently, but I want you to know that you’re not alone and that you have a huge amount of worth. Is there anything (even a tiny thing) you can do give yourself a bit more positive energy, or to make it be a bit less severe, right now? Is there anything you can do for you, to make you feel a bit better? x

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