I guess it’s good I start therapy today. DBT. I’m sure today will be some sort of intro session and not real therapy but I guess I gotta start somewhere.
Last night was terrible. The whole day was. I was so emotional and everything was making me cry and hurt so badly. My boyfriend said something harshly, to his own admittance, and it really got to me. I told him when I got home I just wanted to be alone.
So I came home, cleaned up and then locked myself in my bedroom with my dog. Before I know it he is angrily jiggling on the doorknob. I opened to door and then he was mad that I let the dog on the bed. My dog, while he does frustrate me sometimes, is therapeutic for me. He stormed off and left. I decided to go upstairs since he was gone and then he came back and started arguing with me and I got so angry and just told him to get out.
Well he did. Im not even sure what I feel now. A lot of mixed emotions and yet nothing at all. All at the same time. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be anywhere. Once again I just feel like life would be easier if I were just gone. I’m tired of living like this.