Article – what it’s like

Here is another good one about what it’s like having BPD. I love the short conversation because I experience that all of the time. My brain hears and analyzes every single word and it sends me on a downward spiral. It’s why I don’t have friendships.

Recently in therapy I talked about my lack of friends. We came up with some ideas as to how I may be able to meet people and how I could work on this. I have a “friend” at work who I’ve spent time with outside of work and figured since I already have that with her, I would first work on growing that rather than starting from scratch with others. 

I asked her if she wanted to do lunch and she told me how she was really busy in the month of November but in December for sure. She acted very excited. Well here we are in December and while I have passed her in the hallway numerous times, I feel like things are changing. Or I’m just worried that they are and I can feel myself pulling strongly away from her.

I’m so afraid that she really doesn’t want to go out or be my friend. And honestly this is where I get stuck. I am great at beginnings but then I like to cut things off because I’m just not sure what to do from there. Who should I be? What if they don’t like me? What if they’re a bad person? How do I continue this without my BPD getting in the way or getting hurt? I trust no one. She knows about my BPD and she has always been very supportive because her husband has bipolar. Now I’m worried though that she has changed her mind about me.

This hurts. I’ve always been this way even since I was little. Not sure what to do. It’s so scary. I am tired of feeling so alone.


2 thoughts on “Article – what it’s like

  1. Liking yourself is the first step, then it wont matter if they like you or not, because you are true to yourself, and you can decide if you like them. I have an acquaintance like that, has to “fit me into her life’, finally I decided I was worth more than an “appointment”. It took a minute to figure out what I liked, then match up with someone from where my interests stem, now I have a real friend, and we cut time out for each other, even when were busy, even if it is just a chat on the phone. The inbetween time was awkward, kinda lonely, but exploring myself and likes and dislikes was also an adventure.

    1. Hi, with all due respect, it really seems like you don’t have the slightest idea about borderline personality disorder. I try to read your comments and tell myself that they are coming from a good place but they often make me more frustrated as I feel I’m not being heard or understood. I know, from what other people have said also, that some things you say I guess are true. Like liking yourself first. Do you have any idea how far out of reach something like that is for someone with BPD? I’m not saying I can’t ever get there. I hope that one day I do. But if there is one thing someone with BPD needs, it is validation. I don’t want to drive you away from my blog because you have told me about your daughter. Just sometimes what you say, how you say it, the tone I read or the words you choose, really trigger me. I appreciate the time you take to read my blogs and to respond. Please also know that this comment is progress for me because when something triggers me, it is very hard to act in a calm way and express how I feel rather than my usual flying off into a rage.

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