I’m not even sure what I’m feeling right now but it’s not good. My brain is racing through so many things right now and I have no idea how or why some of these things are coming up.
You know how they say that your life flashes before your eyes when you’re about to die? I feel like my whole life is going through my head right now. All the way from being little up until this very moment, and it’s all leaving me with this uneasy feeling.
I guess what I’m left with is, “How did I get here? And why?” I think about my kids and wonder what they think of life. Are they creating good memories? Am I helping or hurting them? Is life going too fast for them and not slow enough to really grow up or enjoy the moments they’re in? Life is so awful and I just want them to somehow not be affected. To rise above the bullshit and live a life worth living. I don’t want them to end up like me. I feel like I do it blindly but I try to do things differently than my parents did. The things that really hurt me but am I like them?
I wish I could end my life. They’re the only reason I do anything at all. I got pregnant at 17. I would’ve ended my life then had it not been for that.