I am really not well. Not at all. Everything is setting me off into a rage. Just when I think I’m starting to calm down, something else happens and I’m hateful and angry all over again. Even I am sick of me but I can’t fucking stop.
I can’t even begin to describe what the rage feels like. It’s like this super surge of adrenaline that is so overwhelming it makes my entire body shake uncontrollably. I left the house in a fit yesterday and I was so angry my foot wouldn’t steadily stay on the pedals while I was trying to drive. I was shaking so badly like I had hypothermia but really I was just angry. Even my teeth chatter like crazy. There isn’t one part of my body that isn’t affected. All of that along with a huge tightening knot in my stomach that just keep pulling tighter and tighter. I feel like the hulk. Ridiculously angry that I honestly feel like I could lift a car. Even my vision blurs.
Then comes the detachment. Everything shuts off and before I know it I’m singing in my car without a care in the world. Now here I am trying to contain the rage again.
I don’t care what anyone thinks or says. I need to die. I can’t do this anymore. Life is one big trigger and I’m sick of it. Something has got to give and that is the only for sure way of ending this.