So here I am. Completely detached from everything. I just want to do what I do when I feel like this and just walk. Walk and walk without any real direction and just end up wherever I end up. The only con to that is that I can walk for a long time and would most likely end up very far from home. I just want to be with everything that can’t hurt me. Trees. Air. The sounds of being outside. Just cars passing by or the wind blowing. Leaves crunching under my feet. None of those things hurt. They are like the perfect sounds to a state of silence. No triggers.
But that’s not really an option right now. And maybe it’s not safe? I’m not really in my right mind right now.
Everything is surfacey. I feel like a shell. Like one of those locust shells that are still clinging to a tree but there is nothing inside. But until you check it, it looks alive. There is nothing inside me. I just look alive and my body is clinging to existence to camouflage in with the world and fake being ok.
I feel ghostly. Like someone could stab me and it would just go right through me. Unaffected. No pain. No real injury. Maybe even no blood. Just whoosh! Right through.