Apparently it is the answer to my problems. I don’t even remember what I’ve been posting (without going back and reading, which I don’t feel like doing), but we are broken up again.
Nothing is really good. I mean, I feel free from all of the torture that my issues cause me in being in a relationship, but it still sucks to know that in order to be ok, I need to be single and alone. It is literally the safest place to be in my life.
I self-harmed the other day. I don’t even remember what triggered me. I just know that I wasn’t ok. On the verge of going to the hospital again and I knew that would help release some of what was all pent up inside of me. It helped. I know I know…it’s so terrible, don’t do that. Sorry, but it helps and sometimes I fall into it. It was t that bad at all.
So through all of this, even though I am freed from my issues, at least in some sense, it still sucks, you know? He’s a good guy. A great guy I think, but in my head he is just like the rest and I literally just cannot handle the pain it causes me. It’s all so confusing.
So I’ll stay alone. It’s better for everyone. I will never put another human being through this. Me. I won’t.