Self awareness is sad

So I was writing something to myself and realized that if he were writing the same type of thing about me, there are a lot of cons to being with me and hardly any pros. Maybe that is me being down on myself but maybe it is true. I believe it is.

I’ve given him absolutely no reason to be or stay with me, or to ever try with me again.

I need to change. Even if he doesn’t ever want me again, I am not the person I would have liked to think I was. That person is in me but has been so damaged and masked by my issues and I need to get her back.

I’ve not been a good person overall. I want to be a good person. Sure, I will never be perfect, but I could be a hell of a lot better than what I’ve been. Especially in regards to how I treat people who care for me.

I have a lot of inventory to do with myself. I’m already finding a lot of negative things about myself that I just never would have thought and don’t like admitting have been true. Work is so slow; can you tell? I’ve had so much time to think.

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2 thoughts on “Self awareness is sad

  1. I know you think there may be more cons than pros to you; or you think that he thinks that, but if there’s one major pro that I’ve noticed is that you have the ability to see the problem/see what’s wrong, and understand that sometimes you need time for you to focus on helping yourself. Not many people struggling can actually step back far enough to realise they need to make adjustments. You gotta give yourself credit for that! You have the strength and willpower to keep working on improving! And trust me, no matter how rough things get, the people who really and truly love you always stick around no matter how hard you may push them; because trust me, there are people who really love you and want you to be in a good place and they’re cheering for you! I don’t even know you but I know I’m cheering for you 🙂 Take care!

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