I know I am posting a lot but talking to myself is better than holding it in.
I am understanding my impatience about this whole thing. It is really just fear. Fear that during the waiting period he will forget about me. He will realize he is better off without me. And maybe that will be the case and that will just have to be something I deal with.
This impatience driven by fear really just tells me that I’m not ready yet. I’m not where I need to be or where he wants me to be. Intellectually I know that I want to be with him and I will bust my ass to be a better person for him and myself. However, emotionally, I’m unprepared and just not in that healthy place that I should be.
Keep going. It’s barely been any time at all. There is work to be done and it needs done whether we get back together or not. Of course, if we don’t, I will have a whole new shit show to work with in therapy, but these are positive strides nonetheless and I need more consistency here before I am ready for anything.