I had a half day of work today for an appointment.
I keep going in circles about this whole thing. On one hand, I already know that I want this relationship and if anyone needs to think about it, it’s him. I mean,when I do come to the point that I ask him if he will try again with me, how will he really know if I’m ready or not? I feel like it’s him that needs time.
But then I try to think more logically and think ok, time is good. I think my biggest fear is that the longer I wait, the higher the chance of him telling me no. But if I am too quick, if what he thinks is too quick, he will just think I am full of shit.
How do I know when it’s good timing? Thinking healthily, as much as I just want this to happen because I know my mind is made up, going slow is best. I should get some more therapy in and let things cool down.
There are too many questions around this and I don’t like the uncertainty which is yet another reason that I think waiting is good for me. Waiting is not something I would typically do or have ever done and going out on a limb, when the day comes, and seeing if he will take me back, is 100% something I would never do. I need to go outside of my comfort zone no matter how terrifying it may be.
So I guess I’m really battling this. The big when is the question and I just don’t have that answer and I don’t like that. I just don’t want to mess this up.