It’s just really sad to me that I will never get to experience what it’s like to be in a normal loving relationship. My BPD just won’t allow for it. It won’t allow for anyone to get past its walls. It won’t allow me to be cared for without hurting and going crazy.
I am so tired of hurting. Like my whole body. Just agony. All of the time. I always hope each time will be different but it never is. When will I get it?
I am an intense person (thanks BPD) and no one can truly handle my intensity. I try to keep myself in check but then I just hold so much inside. Then I explode.
It’s over. I give in and I will stay alone.