I could never do track…

So when it comes to physically running races, I am such a slow runner and would never get anywhere. Racing thoughts, however? I’d have trophies all over the place.

I have so much happening right now I can hardly stand myself. My brain is racing and speeding and winding through all kinds of bullshit and all I am left with is intense emotional pain.

I want to cry. I want to sleep. I don’t want to be awake so I can escape all of this. Why does my brain do this? Why is it so hard to control? I am held hostage by my own mind. A victim to myself. How is that even possible? And why?

I just want to hug my kids and let them know that I love them. Yea, I give them a hug and a kiss upon comings and goings and tell them I love them but I don’t do it enough otherwise. I feel like a terrible mother right now. Wtf.

I am so upset. I don’t want this anymore. I really don’t. I just want it to stop.

And why are people so unreliable? Why am I so easy to get rid of? Why do people say one thing and do another?

Over it all.

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