No where to turn

It really sucks when I have to rely solely on myself to get through these times. I mean, sure, I could blow up people’s phones but I’m trying to be mindful. People are working and I don’t need to cause them stress or worry just because I am stressed or worried. So plus for me I guess for recognizing that. I guess I have to find places to give myself some credit even if it’s small.

I haven’t been to therapy in like 2 months and I don’t go back until the 8th. I need therapy so bad. I don’t even know where to start. My sleeping medicine hasn’t been working again. I see my psychiatrist on the 23rd. I still have some trazedone leftover from when I used to take it and I may hate myself for it but I’m going to try to take that tonight just for some sleep relief. It makes me sick the next day but I’m going to try again. I’m being an idiot I’m sure but lack of sleep makes me doing dumb things.

Work is still stressing me out. It will be another dull day today and with everything that keeps happening I really don’t see us being around for even another year. I’m trying to stay positive but it’s hard.

On the surgery front, this is my last week that I’m not allowed to do anything strenuous so starting Monday I am going to start working out again. Im excited for that other than the fact that I will need to wake up super early and rearrange my schedule and that takes some trial and error. It’s worth it though.

Here’s to another shit day.

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