My life is a movie

The perfect ratio of love, passion, suspense, and yes, even death! Don’t be alarmed. No one actually died. Hence the reason for this post!

So remember the latest guy I was talking to? I tried to do things right. We just talked for a couple of months before moving forward with anything at all. I should have listened to my gut that he was bad news but that wouldn’t make for such great stories now would it?

A day or so after I finally said yes to being in a relationship with him, he suddenly isn’t so sure. Long story short, we got through it. Then one day he just stops talking to me. I finally reached my limit with the nonsense and texted him to forget this relationship bullshit because I wasn’t interested in his games.

About an hour later I get an email, from his email address, supposedly from his mom telling me that he died in a drinking and driving accident. I was floored. I was a wreck. Something wasn’t sitting well tho. The next day I told a couple of people about my skepticism and they all said they felt the same way. 

Now, I knew exactly how to find out. It was really all too easy. I caught him and he didn’t even know it. So a day or so later, “his mom” emails me again that she hopes I’m doing ok. I called him out by name and told him to cut the shit. He was caught. Immediately the I’m sorry came through to which I didn’t respond.

A couple of weeks later, which was about a week ago, he starts emailing and texting me how much he misses me and loves me and if we could talk. BLOCK.

During this time I met this guy just as friends and I made that clear from the beginning. We had a blast. We were chillin at my house like for the third time and I picked up my phone to check it and what does he do? Grabs my phone and whips it across the yard. Oh yes. And he did this twice. The second time tho he added a slap to my leg and when I asked if this is how it’s going to be, he said “every day”. Bye Felicia! Doesn’t he start texting me again too within this past week! He actually stopped talking to me because I wouldn’t have sex with him. BLOCK.

And then there’s my ex. And I know he is reading this because I feel like he follows me everywhere. I tried to be nice and civilly accepted his friend request on Facebook but kept him blocked on my phone. What does he do? Messages me on Facebook and starts commenting on my posts that I should respond to him. Embarrassing, but not for me! BLOCK.

I should have my own reality tv show. Fo realz.

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Borderlines vs. Nons

You will never get us. No matter how hard you try, you just never will. Know how I know? Because even I don’t get me sometimes. Or even when I do, a part of  me knows that it’s so confusing that the average person just wouldn’t understand.

I wish you understood. All of the nons in my life. I wish you knew the real me. And when you knew, really knew the real me, I wish I’d make sense to you. I wish you’d be fearless against it. I wish you knew just what to say and when and how to say it, to help me beat it.

That will never happen. I know we need to save ourselves but that seems like an impossibility too. I feel so alone right now. I don’t even know how to have friends.

I wish I loved myself so when no one else would, at least I would. I’m not even my own friend. How can I expect anyone else to be?

Tomorrow is a new day.

Been a while

Well I haven’t written in a while. I also haven’t been to therapy in a few months. I have an appointment on the 31st. I haven’t been making the best decisions. Maybe? Depends on who you ask I guess.

All I know is I am doing the best I can to get by.

Omg something happened and I can’t even talk about it right now. Stay tuned. It’s awful and hilarious all at the same time.