Just thoughts

It’s a mess, you know

My life, my mind

I’m constantly in the middle of a storm

Caught right in the eye

I don’t think they understand me

We just aren’t the same

They are them and I am me

We just aren’t the same

I can see how they conduct themselves

I can see how they all relate

To each other and to the world 

I can see how they live and it’s just not like me

They don’t feel things like I do

I know this, I do

I know the signs so I’d know if that weren’t true

You can’t hide the signs

I can’t hide me, what I go through

That’s part of my package

The outbursts

The tears

The rage

The frustration

The never ending cycle that is the storm I’m caught in

The storm that I am

The one that never gives but always takes

It is me

I am the storm 

The Haunting

She sits right there on her bench

Listening to its voice

It talks so much and she tries not to listen

But she doesn’t have a choice

What’s it like to be like them? She asks

You will never know.

You’re not like them, you’re different.

So she nodded and walked back home

Again there on that bench she sits

Trying to drown it out

Why do you never shut up? She asks

Why do you always scream and shout?

I live to cause you pain.

I survive by drinking your tears,

And feasting on your soul, you see,

Your body, your mind, your fears.

You can’t live without me.

Until the day you die I’ll be,

Sitting right here behind you,

Laughing at you while you bleed.

I will follow you wherever you go.

For you there is no escape.

You think you will be free of me,

But when you die, I’ll still be awake.

Drowning in Pain

The demon grew inside her

She couldn’t take the pain

She fell to her knees

She begged, “God please”

And cried just like the rain

She wanted to write the pain

Deep into her skin

She wanted to bleed

And the demon took heed

And walked her to the cliff

Not in control of her body

Victim to the intruder

It claimed her soul

It took a hold

And made her want to end things forever

She screamed from the inside out

But her cries for help were unheard

She ripped at her skin

And pushed it back in

Because there was just nowhere to turn

So on that cliff she stood

Looking to the ground

Right there she falls

To end it all

Her screams no longer a sound

And so there alone she lays

Not yet to be found

In her own blood

Amidst the flood

Of the pain that made her drown

Closer

Get closer if you will

Just don’t look in her eyes

Or you just might see

The way she’s dying inside

You can’t handle her pain

The torment that storms

Inside of her mind

And the demon it forms

Don’t get too much closer

It’s starting to hurt

She wants you to love her

But it’s starting to burn

From the inside out

If only you could see

What this demon is doing

The hell inside of me

Survival

She’s the Jeckyl and the Hyde

Just trying to survive

She’s the winner and the loser

Just trying to get closer

To the goal set in mind

That she can’t seem to find

She’s the heartbreaker and the lover

Just trying to cover

The fear and the pain

As she drowns in their rain

Not trying to fight

As death is her light

She wants to live

She wants to die

She’s just trying to find

Her way to survive

The Conflict

She’s hot

She’s cold

She’s nowhere in between

She’s here

She’s there

She just wants to be seen

Seen as normal

Seen as herself

But how can she expect them to know someone

That she doesn’t know herself

She’s lonely

She’s overwhelmed

By your presence or lack thereof

Please stay

No, go

She’s not sure what she wants

Leave them

They’ll leave you

Destroy them before they do

Hurt yourself

Or they will

Kill yourself

Before it kills you

In the Mirror

When you look in the mirror

Who do you see?

I bet you just see you,

The same way that I do

 

When I look in the mirror

I don’t know who she is

I bet I don’t see

Who you see in me

 

I see a stranger

An unrecognizable face

Someone I don’t know

Someone so out of place

 

I look at her deeply

There’s so much in her eyes

Yet down to the core

There’s nothing inside

 

The pain is in there

Masking everything else

But its way too consuming

There’s nothing else to be felt

 

Her masks are abundant

They’re her saving grace

But when she looks in the mirror

She never recognizes her face